Planning Sex: It's Not As Unsexy As You Think
Explore how scheduling sex can enhance intimacy. Learn about the power of anticipation in relationships and discover a new approach to keeping passion alive.
Posted by
Elvira BurčykRelated reading
The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle: Breaking Free
Understand the pursue-withdraw cycle — the most common destructive pattern in relationships — and learn research-backed strategies to break free together.
Sexual Boredom: How to Break Free From a Rut
Sexual boredom affects most long-term couples. Learn why it happens, what the research says, and proven strategies to reignite desire and excitement.
Novelty and Desire: Why New Experiences Keep Passion Alive
Discover the science behind sexual novelty and desire in long-term relationships. Learn how trying new things in bed rewires your brain for passion and keeps your connection thriving.
Hey there! Let's talk about something that might sound a bit odd at first: scheduling sex. I know, it doesn't sound very romantic. But stick with me here, because it might be more helpful than you'd expect.
First off, let's be real. Life is busy. Between work, chores, kids (if you have them), and just general adulting, sometimes sex falls to the bottom of the to-do list. And that's normal. But it doesn't have to stay that way!
Eros the Bittersweet
I recently came across this interesting book called "Eros the Bittersweet" by Anne Carson. It's an academic work that explores desire in ancient Greek poetry. Now, before you yawn and click away, hear me out. One of the main ideas in this book is that desire is all about the space between wanting something and getting it. It's not just about the moment of satisfaction, but also about the anticipation leading up to it.
This got me thinking about how we approach sex in long-term relationships. Often, we wait for the perfect moment when we're both free, in the mood, and have energy. But what if we planned for it instead?
Here's why scheduling sex might be worth a try:
- It creates anticipation. It creates anticipation. When you know something good is coming, you get to look forward to it. It's like planning a vacation - half the fun is in the build-up.
- It shows priority. By putting it on the calendar, you're saying "This is important to us."
- It gives you time to prepare. Maybe you want to shave, or put on something nice, or just make sure you're not exhausted.
- It can reduce stress. No more wondering "When was the last time we...?"
Balance and tools
Now, I'm not saying every intimate moment should be scheduled. Spontaneous sex is great too! This is just about making sure intimacy doesn't get lost in the shuffle of daily life.
If you're curious about trying this out, start small. Maybe once a week, pick a time that works for both of you. See how it feels. You might be surprised at how much you enjoy the anticipation.
And if you want a fun way to plan these moments, I actually made an app called Cohesa that can help. It's like a menu for your love life, letting you pick and plan intimate activities.
Start your journey
